The following information focuses on individuals and does not look at violence in the context of wider social and political systems.
For example, in our society females are socialised to believe that satisfying a man’s sexual urges is a woman’s responsibility.
Until the issues of gendered power imbalances, the public/private split in social relations, and traditional values that offered men dominance and privilege over women are addressed, male/female relationship changes will be superficial and one-to-one.
Background Information and Facts
Consenting to a kiss does not mean consenting to sexual intercourse
Over 91% of Rape Crisis clients from 1993 to 1995 knew their attacker.
Causes of Partner and Acquaintance Rape
Sex-role stereotyping and cultural messages
A desire for power and control over someone else.
What is Partner Rape?
Survivors Do Not Rape: Perpetrators Do
Everyone has the right to set sexual limits and to communicate those limits
Everyone has the right to be assertive, state what they really want and what they really feel
Everyone has the right to take care of themselves and trust their own feelings
It is OK to say no at any point
Everyone has the right to be where they want to be at any time, wear what they feel comfortable in and make free choices about alcohol and drugs
It is important to respect other people’s autonomy.
Some Common Views About Sex, Rape and Consent
People go on dates for opportunities to socialise and get to know other people
Many people are concerned that saying “No” will hurt their date’s feelings
Sometimes survivors of coercive rape don’t believe that what was done to them was rape
Control and possessiveness are often confused with love
Teenagers often confuse control and jealousy with love
Many perpetrators see forced sex as ‘masterful’
Men are encouraged to confuse ‘scoring’ with being a successful lover
Many perpetrators of partner and acquaintance rape do not see their actions as rape
Perpetrators see the mingling of aggression and sexuality as normal
Most perpetrators have used alcohol and drugs beforehand
Society teaches us that coercion is romantic. This is untrue. Coerced sex is rape.
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Reasons Adolescents Don't Tell Their Families About Date Rape
To protect the family
Desire to maintain independence
Lack of psychological distance
Lack of geographic distance
Fear of not being believed
Fear of being blamed and judged
Lack of supportive familial relationships.
Potential Perpetrator Characteristics and Behaviours
Emotionally abusive (insults, belittling comments, acts sulky or angry when you initiate an action or idea)
Insists on making all the decisions including yours
Has sexist views in general
Tries to get you drunk or lower your consciousness
Berates you for not wanting to get drunk, get high, have sex, or go to an isolated or personal place
Physically violent to you or others, even “just” grabbing and pushing to get their way
Acts in an intimidating way towards you (uses body to block your way, always speaks on your behalf, touches against your will)
Is unable to handle sexual and emotional frustrations without becoming angry
Doesn’t view you as an equal
Enjoys being cruel to animals, children or people he can bully.
Bystander intervention is the willingness to assist a person in need of help
‘See it, stop it’
Everyone in the community has a role to play in ending sexual violence
The bystander intervention model increases community awareness and prevents sexual violence
The bystander role empowers all community members to personally identify and adopt prevention strategies
Bystander intervention views all people as potential bystanders
NZ’s ‘Who Are You?’ campaign raises awareness of the prevalence of sexual assault and encourages bystander intervention. For more information see the website and follow the Facebook page.
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