Ōtepoti Collective Against Sexual Abuse (ŌCASA​)​
03-474 1592
Dunbar House, 21 Dunbar Street Dunedin
9AM - 5PM - Weekdays
Contact ŌCASA
OCASA - Otepoti Collective Against Sexual Abuse
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    • What is Rape?
    • Child Sexual Abuse
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    • Effects of Rape
    • After Sexual Assault
    • Stages of Healing
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  • Contact
  • Home
  • About Us
    • Who We Are
    • Our Story
    • Our Organisation in the Media
    • Confidentiality, Complaints & Rights
    • Our Supporters
  • Our Services
  • About Sexual Abuse
    • What is Rape?
    • Child Sexual Abuse
    • Partner and Acquaintance Rape
    • Effects of Rape
    • After Sexual Assault
    • Stages of Healing
  • Education
  • Resources
    • Information for Survivors
    • Information for Whānau and Friends
    • Self-Care
    • The ŌCASA Library
    • New Zealand Support Services
    • Ōtepoti & Ōtākou Youth Services
  • Get Involved
    • Volunteering & Collectivism
    • Job Opportunities
  • Donate
    • Instantly Via Website
    • Via Givealittle
  • Contact
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Information for Whānau and Friends

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Are You A Friend or Whānau of A Survivor?

For a survivor of sexual violence, the way their whānau and friends react to their experience may influence how they recover. Some people may blame the survivor for what has happened.

The survivor can be sensitive to other people’s reactions and the survivor may not tell anyone of their experience, fearing the possible consequences of their reactions.
REMEMBER: The survivor is not to blame.
A survivor may feel powerless, guilty, shameful, fearful, angry, sad or depressed. They may blame themselves at times. These reactions are common.

Everyone is different and copes with trauma differently. There is no ‘one way’ to feel. There is also no time limit on a survivor's healing process.

​Any of these reactions may occur months or even years following an experience of sexual violence. A healing process is not linear. It is important that the survivor knows that you love, support and care for them.

Do Not:

  • Urge or force the survivor to go to the Police. This decision is for the survivor to make when/if they are ready
  • Question the survivor about their experience. This could feel invalidating
  • Urge the survivor to forget about or hide the experience
  • Blame the survivor. It is never the survivor's fault
  • Express the want to cause harm to the perpetrator. It will not help the survivor’s recovery process.

Do:

  • Show your support, care and affection. There are many ways to do this; however, touch may not be most appropriate
  • Allow the survivor to regain control over their life and make their own decisions
  • Treat them no differently than before. Continue to live the way you always have, providing stability and security
  • Be willing to listen if they want to talk. Do not force them to talk if they do not want to. They may feel more comfortable talking to someone else just now. That is okay too.
The most important things to do are LISTEN, BELIEVE and SUPPORT.
If someone you know and are close to, such as a whānau member or friend, has experienced sexual violence, it is common to feel disbelief, guilt, helplessness and anger. You may want to talk to someone about your feelings and how you can best help.
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    I may be changed by what happened to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.
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    You're not a victim for sharing your story. You are a survivor setting the world on fire with your truth. And you never know who needs your light, your warmth, and raging courage. 

How To Support A Friend Who Has Been Sexually Assaulted

How To Talk To Friends Who Survived Sexual Assault

How To Help A Friend Who Has Been Sexually Assaulted

Things Not To Say To A Survivor of Sexual Assault

What To Say To A Survivor of Child Sex Abuse

When A Friend Tells You They Were Sexually Abused

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Location
Address
Dunbar House
21 Dunbar Street
Centre City, Dunedin 9016​ ​​
​PO Box 5424, Dunedin

Contact Us
Phone: (03) 474-1592
Email: 
support@ocasa.org.nz
Opening Hours:
​
9 AM - 5 PM weekdays

Website created by Cheeky Upstart. 2019